With these things in mind I think we all might be more successful at dating. Let me know your thoughts in the comments. Gay Polyamory.
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Time to let it all out… First… This Facebook post sums up a lot of my thoughts, but I feel I need to expand a bit more. The purpose of this is NOT for people to rant, but offer contributions that can help us all.
Chatting with a friend I realized it makes perfect sense. Also, we all should be careful in our responses when guys share things. Think about things from their perspective. Also, it is scary to share things with new people dates, friends, etc.
Share and listen. Perhaps the only thing I want to add is that I have continually been told I get too emotionally involved with people I date.
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I have done a lot of work on myself over the last few weeks after being dropped like a flaming bag of poo by yet another guy I started dating and uncovered some things. First, I had a fear of people I care about vanishing. Next was to release the connection I had drawn to guys I have dated to him in that any time I started to get emotionally involved with a guy this fear started to crop up. Now of course this was reinforced by the fact I am single, so inherently there have been a lot of guys that have vanished. Once I processed through that crap things got a little bit easier.
Then I got to thinking how emotionally involved should I be with guys I date. At first I took this to heart because it seemed to make sense.
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Now the more I dive into it I am realizing it might all be bullshit. What if instead of my caring too much everyone else cares too little? It seems that people have gone from not believing in love at first sight to not being able to love at all. I am not saying fall for someone on the first date, but why not be open to it? Perhaps we should all quit trying to wrap ourselves in bubble wrap and actually be emotionally available.
People seem to have forgotten the adage — love like you have never been hurt before. It seems like such a simple concept, but I apparently took longer than most to realize it. When I changed my belief system about relationships such that I believed people can have more than one loving relationship at a time, I put it everywhere. I created this blog, I put it info about poly in my OKcupid profile, and did everything short of taking out billboards.
I understand now this was not necessarily the best approach. Being a Scorpio I swing to extremes so I learn lessons frequently. The difficulty with putting polyamory as one of the first things people see is that it can overshadow my entire interaction or lack thereof. This was not an issue when I was in relationship with my ex, because people needed to know I already was in a relationship. Many people evaluate poly with their monogs goggles on and quickly dismiss it before giving it a chance. Everyone seems to have known of one poly relationship that failed and therefore poly could never work.
Compare that story to how many monogamous relationships work and that may put things in perspective.
Maybe if Disney movies portrayed poly relationships as fantastical as monogamous relationships things might be different. All that said, I am open to a monogamous relationship if that works for the man I am with and for me. I have removed poly from my profiles and am taking a softer approach. The work is mostly personal work and is challenging and exciting at the same time. It is a great chance for reflection, transformation, and a renewed sense of hope. I have been doing a lot of thinking recently about polyamory and many people have asked if I could ever be in a monogamous relationship again.
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I feel since it seems to be widely known that I am poly it may scare off certain people that are scared of polyamory. I even once knew an individual that had dabbled in polyamory once got into a triad relationship with an existing couple and the tried broke up over him so he has written off polyamory altogether. I think everyone should try on poly for at least 6 months. How I know this is if someone had actually tried polyamory or studied it in depth they would have a much more in-depth, thorough, and thoughtful response.
I recently noticed an interesting fact about polyamory is never having to be single. At first I thought this was positive, but I now see he it can also be a bit dangerous. Since polyamorous relationships are organic it is perfectly reasonable to be severing a substantial relationship while in another. One risk is the person in the relationship that is discontinuing feeling they are being replaced. Another risk is using the ease of falling into a new relationship to avoid handling issues in a current relationship that may have a chance of survival if addressed. That said, none of these are downsides to polyamory, just things to be aware of.
Focusing on and handling each relationship individually should mediate most of these issues. I feel the time should be requested and respected as opposed to throwing away what could be a fruitful new relationship by demanding to stay single to go through their process. Explore it and see what happens. They will hopefully respect it and will definitely appreciate it more than being rejected.
These boundaries will allow the processing and balance to occur and things to move forward.
Gay Polyamory , Polyamory. Leave a comment. While it was fun, it to me seemed a bit too contrived and artificial. We did not get much beyond that first date in our pursuit. Since then we have separated. It was interesting how it all unfolded and how I feel poly played a part. When we had the final conversation it was anticlimactic. It was not. It was a perfectly civil conversation devoid of most amped up emotions I have experienced in the past. We have also been asked if poly caused our break up.
Wrong again. We not only knew our separation was not because or due to any sort of lying, cheating, etc. Being able to experience love throughout a breakup is a beautiful thing. I experienced this from my former partner as I knew we still loved each other, just us being romantic partners no longer worked. Sometimes you will have to pick up the slack.
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These are not facts. These are your feelings, your perceptions. Your perception as a human is trained from millions of years of evolution to recognize causation and pattern. This is why most people fight. I need to talk about that. That hurts. You never back someone into a corner. So what do you do? You extend a hand. When you are ready, I need us to talk. Talking about things is part of your job. You have so much sway over how I feel, and I need you to know that.
So I need to talk about this. If not now, soon. What do you think polyamory means? What do they think it means? Before you do anything, agree on terms. Monogamous couples only fuck each other. Most nonmonogamous couples are monogamish a Dan Savage term , meaning they make certain sexual allowances for certain occasions or for certain people. Have fun. Send me videos. Have a hookup. Tell me about it. Many couples choose to only play together.
They meet cute people online or at the club and take them home for a steamy threesome. Polyamory, as the name suggests, is about multiple romantic connections happening in tandem — connections that may or may not be sexual. Not every polyamorous relationship is nonmonogamous, but most of the ones I know are.