Sex is great, but sex with substance is harder and harder to come by the more casual we are about this physical act. Continuing the conversation from the last point, we often are beyond indecisive about what it is that we really want. Being gay is confusing. Once we break the norm, and find comfortability within our own sexuality, everything else is up for debate.
Who do we want to be? Who do we want to date? Do we want to get married? Do we want kids? Do we want to be monogamous? Who, if we do meet, we most likely end up sleeping with, and confusing the relationship further. Revert back to points 1 and 2. As gay men we grow up hiding parts of ourselves because gay still is considered different, and in a lot of places, bad. We feel like we have to hide a part of ourselves everyday for many formative years, which means we are neglecting other parts of ourselves that should be receiving precious energy. So when we finally do come out, we often confuse this as dealing with our issues, when in fact, this is just the beginning to dealing with what our issues really are.
Because we held back from being authentically ourselves for most of our adolescence and the beginning of our adult lives, we get a chance to do it all over when we come out. The cherry on top of all of this, is that this usually happens in a big city, or at least some place bigger than the hometown we grew up in, where excess is welcomed. The question is, when is enough enough? Gay men are beyond picky, and we feel like we can be because with social media the pool of possibilities feels endless. We are men with egos, and we strive to be the best at everything we do because it was something we learned as closeted children.
However, this tends to lead to us having crazy expectations for ourselves, and therefore our mates as well. Everyone is supposed to look like a model, have an Adonis body, be super successful, like everything we like, and fit the molds we've created that no one can ever actually live up to.
Dreamboat is ready. His ego is hurt. Add to the fact that gays often date with the seasons, and half the year is either thought of as warm single, and often slutty season, or as a cold cuddling more relationship based time of the year. We forget that we are still animals, and like our furry friends, our bodies change with the tides and seasons in a very natural way. However, gay men are quick to use the seasons as an excuse to why we are "allowed" to behave in certain ways. We aren't definitely going to have kids, which is why most heterosexual people start to couple up and settle down.
And even today straight couples are waiting longer and longer to have children. However, even when we do couple up, the way in which we operate as couples is quite different than straight couples.
Add to the fact that a lot of our friends are single, and it becomes almost more normal to be single in the gay world than in a healthy relationship. I told my wife that I think I'm gay last night. I was so nervous but she knew something was wrong and got it out of me. She thought I was having an affair with another woman.
I told her she couldn't be more wrong.
She didn't say a lot. I think she was shocked and saddened. She asked what does this mean for us?
- They don’t want to be ‘just’ pen pals … but they also don’t want to meet!
- They might want casual sex, but aren’t willing to admit it?
- old young gay.
- Why do college guys just want to hook up.
- Why Do Gay Men Make Dating So Hard For Themselves? | HuffPost;
- gay dating personality test.
I told her I don't know at the moment. And that is the truth. I have no idea what I am going to do. I'm seeing a counselor in 2 weeks and am hoping to start working it all out. I am confused and really worried how it will turn out. You did it, there is some relief in that. I think you are right to take your time, there is no knowing exactly where to go from here. It seems that both of you will need to do lots more talking. Dr Tom's story is a good one. My ex went back to his wife after being with me, they are actually quite happy together, probably more so now she knows about him.
Why Do Gay Men Make Dating So Hard For Themselves?
It is definitely easier for the kids when they are talking and not fighting. I guess having watched a man I love figure all this out, I'd say the best thing is to think about what you want life to be like, talk to your wife about her view of the future too.
Keep on talking. Hopefully you can find a way that works out for the best like Dr Tom or my ex have done.
There is nothing wrong with being gay either. When you feel comfortable enough to share this with your family start slowly.
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Your family and friends may be shocked, feel grief and go through a process of denial. Some may deal betrayed. BUT it is up to you to decide who, how and when and if to tell anyone else. You control this situation. I am 48 and came out recently. There were some people who took umbrage, but it was about me, not them. For my own mental health I decided come out.
Married with 2 kids but im gay and living a lie
First to some gay friends. They helped me and were supportive. Then I told my brother and my girlfriend of 33 years. For most people it was business as usual. Find a gay counselling service who can provide better advice than I. Those that mind, don't matter. Those that matter, don't mind. You deserve happiness. I am happier now and honest. In short. There is nothing wrong with you.
You deserve to be happy.